There is a saying to "let sleeping babies lie". Every mother knows why: you wake a sleeping baby and they wake up dazed, confused and, more often than not, very grumpy.
While the saying to "let sleeping calves lie" isn't nearly as well known as the baby saying (in fact, it's not known at all because I just made it up!), it is nonetheless as important. Let me share an experience with you that proves why:
Sunday on the way home from church, we got a call from a neighbor letting us know that we had a calf that had slipped under the fence and was napping there. This isn't unusual. It seems like calves are born instinctively knowing that the thing to do is slip under the fence and sun themselves laying in the softer, more grown up grass that the herd hasn't been able to eat down. The herd (mama included) is always nearby and cow and calf know exactly where each is at. When the calf wakes up, they are hungry (what baby isn't when they wake up?) and immediately searches for a meal. So they slip back under the fence, bawl until they've discovered which cow is their mama and everything is right in the world again.
Unless the calf is in some kind of danger, we just leave the situation along. Usually they are in the back pasture or near the feeding areas and it's no big deal. This time, however, the calf just happened to be sleeping under the fence right next to the road where it wasn't in any danger but was in plain view of everyone going by. We really appreciate our neighbors and the travelers on the road that help us keep an eye on things. Sometimes they see something of concern before we do and give us a jingle so we can correct the situation, which is great! Which brings us back to the call we got on the way home from church...
So we got the call just letting us know that the calf was under the fence. We were already on our way home, so we were where the calf was napping within 10 minutes. Now (like I said) ordinarily we would have left him alone, but the calf being within view of the road and our family having plans for the afternoon and not wanting to be disturbed by a harmless situation turning bad later, Josh decided to go ahead and wake him up and point him under the fence. And this simple action of attempting to reunite mother and son is when the story begins...
Once the calf was under the fence, he was supposed to go the short distance to the north, down the hill to his mama. However, "supposed to's" don't always happen. The bull calf followed the fence a short distance and then instead of heading downhill to Mother, he darted back under the fence in the complete opposite direction.
Oh no!!! SEE?!?!?! Waking a baby only leaves them dazed and confused!!! The little guy had not a clue where he was at or where he was going.
So the calf is heading full speed ahead across the field. I didn't see him at first (I'm pretty sure an excited conversation with the kids about who was going to find the most Easter eggs had me distracted). But what I DID see was Josh flailing his arms and shaking his head in disgust while beginning to trot after the calf in an effort to divert him back in the right direction. Only then did I scan the horizon of the field to see Skamper randomly charging ahead. Being a little further back in the field than Josh and thus ahead of the calf, I jumped out of the car and took off running to get ahead of him to divert him from running into the road. Then our boy Skamper changed directions from running south to running towards the east.
Now, its REALLY OH NO because he's getting himself more lost!!!
Josh yelled at me to go back to the car and go on home, that the calf was headed to the bunk area and he'd know his way, we'd just have to get the cows up to the bunk to get the calf back with the herd. Okie dokie. I trotted back to the car to find the kids enjoying every minute of watching Mommy and Daddy chasing the calf. What thrilled them even more was that I had to back ALL the way out of the field since there was nowhere I felt safe turning around at on the path in the field... last thing Josh needed was me getting stuck in the soft dirt.
We backed out, got back on the road and started heading the 1/2 mile rest of the way home. As soon as I made the big curve around the field we were just at and hit the straight road towards home, I saw it...
REALLY REALLY OH NO!
The calf had NOT gone to the bunk where he had been headed, he had turned directions again and headed back south and had gotten on the road. Here I am in the car with the kids, Josh is hoofing it (in his church boots, nonetheless!) across the field, and there is Skamper running with all his might up the road towards me. We were close enough to the yard that I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could somehow divert him through the yard and up the hill... at least get him off the road.
But no, that would have been too easy. I pulled over on the shoulder and hopped out. I looked at Skamper. Skamper looked at me. And he did an about-face and off he went again, putting it high gear towards the east. Excuse my French, but I believe the words "Oh Crap!" went through my mind.
I high-tailed it back into the car, this time with the thought that I had to just get him to stop running down the highway and absolutely NOT to the south and into the neighbor's field! We drove beside him for several yards with a few attempts to cut him off with the car before I realized that the strategy of drag racing this particular calf at the whopping speed of about 5 mph was not going to work. By this time, we were within about thirty yards of a field entrance.
Here is when I should tell you that I grew up watching NASCAR with my Daddy (back in the 80s and 90s when NASCAR was real racing!) and my husband and father-in-law are big Sprint car racing fans, so I know something about maneuvering a vehicle to my advantage. Realizing I wasn't going to deter Skamper from his straight way course going due east, I floored it and got to the field entrance before he did and real quick whipped in to block him. You know, like how race cars pass one another for position and then "shut the door" to block... or perhaps a more exciting comparison would be how during a police chase, the cop cars speed ahead of the bad guy and then swerve to block.... except they are probably going 100 and I was only going 40. But still, exciting for me!
Anyways, back to Skamper. I swerved in the field entrance, jumped out and ran around the car to confront my challenger. By the time all this took place (in about 30 seconds), the calf had come within about ten feet of the car.
Again, I looked at Skamper.
And Skamper looked at me.
This time, he took a step to the right. I took a step to the right. He took a step to the left. I took a step to the left.
I think he knew he was caught. Plus, he had to have been tired from all that running!
At that point, he ducked his head down and hopped in place a few times. Still seeing I wasn't going to budge, that little sucker CHARGED me! Sometimes things happen so fast you don't know what happened until after it happens, and this was such a case. That little bull was ready to take me down with every bit of his 90 pound being!
His charging was probably the worst thing he could have done for him, but the best thing for me. When he hit me, I grabbed his tail, something my Daddy told me about years and years ago. If a calf is young enough, you can kind of guide them in the direction you want them to go using their tail as a reign. Well, that's great and all... IF the calf is young enough. Even though Skamper was only three days old, there was NO WAY he was going to be led by ANYthing! So there I am, holding on to his tail with all my might waiting for an opportunity to grab his leg for more security. Meanwhile, Caleb is loving it, Sarah is screaming with all her being and I'm frantically looking for Josh to come out of the field so he'll see I have the calf and need help.
Finally after a couple of minutes of me using Skamper's tail for leverage, he had had enough. He decided to make a run for it... by darting under my legs. I was straddling him for a bit, with him under my legs and my arm bent under to keep hold of his tail. I imagine we looked pretty cartoonish. It was then I was able to grab his back leg and at the same time I saw Josh mosey onto the road from the side ditch.
Meanwhile, two cars and a coal truck went by, all obviously gawking at me holding this calf on the side of the road in my church clothes. Honestly, wouldn't you; how often do you drive down the road and see a woman manhandling a calf? Thinking back, I'm sure there was some cowgirl-MacGuyver type maneuver I could have tried. Something like using my bra to tie his back legs up like real cowboys do (well, they don't use bras, they use ropes... and that wouldn't have worked anyway because I didn't have any hands left to take it off with), or maybe calling for Sarah to give me her tights (but that wouldn't have worked because Sarah had gone from screaming frantically to having a full blown "Mommy's gonna die" meltdown... she was in no mood to take off her tights). So I guess the MacGuyver tactics wouldn't have worked anyway even if I had thought about them at the moment.
I was starting to give out and was (in all seriousness) praying out loud for strength beyond my own in Jesus' name. When I saw Josh, I yelled at Caleb to honk the horn so he would see us! And he did!!!! Caleb's my hero! Nothing would have been a sweeter sight at that moment than seeing Josh acknowledge my plight! Josh ran from where he was on the highway up to our shop to get the truck. From there, we loaded Skamper in the back of the truck with Josh holding him down so he wouldn't escape, the kids and I jumped in the front so I could drive us all to the herd and deliver Skamper to his mama. It pays to know how to drive a stick! I was turning around there in the middle of the highway when I noticed...
...the "Low Fuel" light on in the truck.
But we made it to the back pasture. (I had some of ya there for a minute, didn't I... thinking we were gonna run out of diesel?) Josh put the calf over the fence and (while still holding Skamper's leg) crawled under the fence himself and successfully called Skamper's mama up and they happily ran to each other for the reunion. Here is where you could use your imagination to start playing some sort of dramatic theme music in your head while playing the whole scene in slow motion, while possibly putting a beach scene behind them. I would say to imagine them running to each other with front legs outstretched, ready for a long-awaited, tearful embrace... but that would be plain silliness.
After wrangling that calf for five minutes, I will admit I was exhausted. I know Josh and Loren and many other peoples do such jobs on a regular basis, but it's just not something I'm familiar with. And I'm pretty thrilled to be able to say I've been charged by a bull, hit and yet I still managed to defeat him! Who cares how old he was...details aren't important, right?! By the way, a three day old calf fighting with all his might has more force behind him than you would think!
And that, Folks, is why you let sleeping calves lie.
And no, I don't have pictures, but you can enjoy these somewhat humorous cartoons with my narrative...
| This is how I felt. And this was how Josh comes along and, like always, fixed everything... (Minus the chaps... Josh doesn't wear chaps.) |
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